The Promise Between Us by White Barbara Claypole

Author:White, Barbara Claypole
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781542048989
Publisher: Lake Union Publishing
Published: 2018-01-16T05:00:00+00:00

TWENTY-ONE

KATIE

Katie had lied to Jake.

She sure as hell shouldn’t be behind the wheel of a truck, a vehicle that could use size and weight to cause death, but if she didn’t drive back to Durham, alone, the voice would win. Looking over her shoulder, Katie backed up at a snail’s pace to avoid taking out the mailbox. Jake stood at the end of the driveway, staring at his phone.

How high’s the fear thermometer, Katie? How high? Six? Am I safe to drive? No, no, I’m not. I’m going to cause an accident, kill a child. What kind of a mother pretends she’s dead, lets her child believe she’s dead? I’m the angel of death. Death. Heart’s racing, can’t breathe, shouldn’t be driving. Fear thermometer’s seven. Got to be seven. That mom on the sidewalk, holding her little girl’s hand? I could run up onto the grass and hit them both. Kill them. Cal’s right, I destroyed his life, and now I’m going to destroy another husband’s life. Take a stranger’s family. Kill his family.

No, this is the voice. I’m in control of my actions. I’m not going to jump the curb. Have I ever caused an accident? Been in one? No.

Her hands, perfectly spaced on the steering wheel the way they showed you in Drivers’ Ed, grew slick with sweat. Too slick? Would she lose control of the vehicle and jump the curb? Did her hands want to tug the steering wheel to the right? That could happen, couldn’t it? Her mind played the answer: a bloody movie running on a broken projector to a broken soundtrack.

Katie drove past and glanced in the rearview mirror. The little girl, she couldn’t see her. Did that mean she’d hit her? Hands, Katie, watch your hands, make sure they don’t slip. Oh, God, had she—hit the child? I killed a child. I have to stop right now. Put both feet on the brake and engage the parking brake. She leaned forward, her back rigid. No.

A feeling isn’t an action. Panic is nothing but panic. It comes from OCD, not fact. What can I see in the real world? What are the facts? Look, there’s a man walking his dog. That’s real. So’s the squirrel darting across the road. Good, good. Heart rate’s coming down. I can do this, I can do this. Eyes ahead, Katie, read the road. Keep to the speed limit, watch for cars pulling out. You’ve got this.

Music, she needed music. The National. Yes, that was a good choice, always calming. But that meant stopping to find a CD, and if she stopped, she might never start again.

Look ahead, Katie, read the road. Keep to the speed limit, watch for cars pulling out. You’ve got this. No, no, I haven’t. That little girl back there? What if I killed her, and I’m fleeing the scene of a crime? That makes me a criminal as well as an unfit mother. I need to go back and check. Check I didn’t kill her.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.